1. FACT: A serious legal threat to Quidditch emerged yesterday after a series of arrests by law enforcement officials against Quidditch players for being “illegally cute”.

  2. FACT: Of all the sports, Quidditch has by far the most talented, diverse, and awesome group of players and officials.

  3. FACT: All tournament-level Quidditch refs are giant cuddly piles of joy and awesomeness.

  4. FACT: There will be Quidditch at the Olympics this year, which will proceed as planned because the Doctor will be carrying the Olympic torch to save the Earth.

    UPDATE: Porcine Airlines are cancelling all flights to and from Gehenna due to ice on the runways.

  5. FACT: Even if they are facing away from the pitch or their eyes are closed, good Quidographers can telepathically sense an awesome Quidditch moment unfolding, spin around, and snap it faster than a Nimbus 2000 can bank in mid-air.

  6. FACT: The Quidditch expo matches in London are a front by the IQA to assemble a team of Quidditch superheroes called Team USA to fight against a mysterious Dark wizard threat the Ministry of Magic is helpless against.

  7. FACT: All Snitches in Quidditch are required to complete a 6-week escape and evasion course in the Bolivian jungle involving Jedi mind tricks, air-bending, and interpretive dance.

  8. FACT: Brad Armentor was originally offered the role of Captain America in the Avengers, but the casting directors wanted someone more flawed and believable to play the superhero. However, the clinching factor was that flying was not one of Captain America’s superpowers.

  9. FACT: Efforts to broadcast the Quidditch World Cup on major sports networks stalled due to FTC objections that any broadcast involving Quidditch players would be too sexy for daytime TV.

  10. FACT: Snitches are allowed to travel through both time and space to evade the Seekers. This is why Time Lords make good Snitches.

  11. FACT: Alex Benepe was considered for a role in the Avengers movie, but Joss Whedon scrapped the idea because Alex would have “overshadowed” the rest of the cast.

  12. FACT: Quidditch players hug each other at the end of a game to regenerate the magical energy they expended during the match.

  13. FACT: Under Rulebook v5, players are allowed to use the Force Touch to touch their hoops when they are dismounted. This is why Middlebury players may appear not to touch the hoops after being bludged.